An excerpt from adrienne maree brown’s article in Yes! Magazine called “Murmurations: Love Looks Like Accountability.”
It’s intentional that we think about internal accountability as a solo practice. So much of being in relationship with another is about being able to have deep awareness of what it is we want and need in a given moment, and what we’re feeling—be it safety or vigilance.
This can be immensely uncomfortable. We might be feeling some combination of vulnerable, insecure, scared, disrespected, angry, or other emotions that we aren’t always raised to hold with dignity. If we can’t be aware of—and responsible for—our own feelings, then anyone else we are relating to can easily become a site of our projections or unharnessed energy. We can have negative and harmful impacts we did not intend.
Trauma and toxic patterns trickle outward, viral. Even small misalignments within can create ripples that change the culture of a whole community. What begins as a wound in one person can move like a sharp knife through a friendship, romance, workplace, family, or community.
The good news is, accountable practices can be just as contagious. The more we can take accountability for our own feelings and impacts, the more we invite others to handle their own needs and feelings, which makes way for interdependence. Center, journal your emotional state, ground yourself by taking a deep breath; discover or develop a practice you can count on that helps you assess how you feel, not for the sake of controlling those emotions, but for the sake of honest communication. Be transparent with others about what those centering and grounding practices are for you.